New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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