do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
