I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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