Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
