Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
