bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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