I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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