The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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