I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
