So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am one with the molecules
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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