; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
