Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Farmville is her only friend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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