my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
