Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
