I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And then my night got REAL pukey
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
