I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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