You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
