Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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