Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
