Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
