O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
