Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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