I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
