Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
