Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
worst night to have a conscience
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
