Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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