I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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