WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
