My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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