Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
