what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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