to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
