I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
