Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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