yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
