while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
