I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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