Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
