you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
