does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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