i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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