This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
