ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
