Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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