i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
