I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
