So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
