you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
