I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
