It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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