this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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